Kingpin One

About Kingpin One

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Number 1 way to really rank with SEO

The reason why your landing page will not rank

Apologies folks, there is no way all of your landing pages will rank well for their targeted keywords in Google, brining people crazy conversions. In fact, they rarely do. STUPID PARROTS say they do and always throw an unfathomable amount of data to convince you. At tactic to just confuse the hell out of any normal person.

WHY NOT WE HEAR YOU SAY

Well, in most cases, the all elusive ideal keywords are dominated by other sites willing to drop gargantuous amounts of ad spend and backlink building. Don’t forget that technical issues also associated with landing pages stop people from reaching your beautifully crafted website pages.

THE TRUTH IS that laser-focused landing pages will have a really hard time ranking. HERE’S THE THING – STUPID PARROTS think it’s best not to distinguish between a landing page for ranking well and ones designed to purely convert. SILLY BILLIES.

Keyword targeting

HOLD ON…. you will first want to optimise the URL, page title, and H2s (headings) before choosing your target keywords.

Just to jump in from where we started in this post, we want to explain something. When we say the “Number 1 way to really rank with SEO” we mean RANK, as in, rank really badly. STUPID PARROTS follow systems. Systems that they can throw their clients through at an astounding rate. Systems that do the same for everyone. The more businesses they do this to, the bigger their fouling. Dropping low-quality, low-performing landing pages all over the internet.

RIGHT – BACK TO WHERE WE WERE. Let’s start with the domain name and page address. A custom domain does have some advantages for landing pages. Most businesses prefer to leverage the SEO of their existing domain. Either way, make sure your keywords are included within the URL. HOLD ON. This is turning into a lesson – surely not?

Landing Page SEO strategy

I’M BACK. I’m here to now bring some sanity into the conversation. The conversation us grown ups should be having.

If a STUPID PARROT uses a new fangled word, acronym or incomprehensible word into a conversation STOP them. Next, politely ask have they seen the Monty Python silly word sketch?

So there is the number 1 way to really rank with SEO

GET A STUPID PARROT to totally confuse the pants off you. SIMPLE, no messing, pure budget eating gold dust, public minded information right there. NO NEED TO THANKS US.

Just looking at the ranking score for this page and we need to add another 150 words to optimise this page. It is the only reason this copy is here. At least we are being honest and not just rambling on about the thing we are trying to get ranked.

TOTAL WORDS: 511. We should have considered to use at least 600. WE GOT BORED.

PLEASE IGNORE THE CORONA VIRUS ICON. It has been left here for search engines as they like at least one picture to be on a page. Go figure!

Link

Facebook Ads How To

SYSTEMISED MONEY MAKING CONVEYORBELT

Here is a link to the Facebook Ads How To page

CLICK HERE. On this page you will find the answer to all of your lead generation questions. MAYBE NOT! Unlike STUPID PARROTS we will walk you through this page and pose some questions that you really should be asking.

WHAT IS ADS MANAGER?

Facebook explains Ads Manager as your starting point for running ads on Facebook, Instagram, Messenger or Audience Network.

Every tool you need (they want you to have) is available allowing you to create, manage, run and track your campaign performance. HERE’S THE THING. All of the tools are designed to do one thing. DRAIN YOUR BUDGET. You can create unlimited designs, do A/B testing and spread your budget over multiple networks. All the things that take a bite out of your budget, quickly consuming it all.

WHAT DO YOU GET? Some metrics, neatly packaged to show some progress. Like a gambling platform you are encouraged to increase your activity with the hope to strike it rich.

Facebook figures show

QUESTION: Do you know how much ad revenue Facebook generated in 2020
ANSWER: In 2020 it was approximately £85 billion.

QUESTION: Do you know the average success rate of a Facebook Ad?
ANSWER: It is about 0.9%.

Based on those figures (and figures can always be made up) a measly £76 million is working. SCARY STUFF.

Enter STUPID PARROTS. They tell you they will increase your visibility, visitors and profits. All for a low monthly fee. Competition is hotting up for the STUPID PARROTS as they are all using the same sales tactics. The latest trend is to offer to only charge for leads. You don’t even have to pay for the Facebook campaign. Just the lead (We wonder how much that will be?).

Facebook ads key features explained

Create brand new ads.

Facebook say you will need some campaign parameters. These are such things like an objective and business goal. OBVIOUSLY! Now you can upload your ad creative, write ad copy and review how your ads look on different devices. ALL WITHOUT ANY PRIOR KNOWLEDGE OR EXPERIENCE.

Set up and manage your ad budgets.

Your next step is to set the overall budget. Now you can choose how much will be eaten up a day or on individual campaigns. OBVIOUSLY YOU WILL BE DOING A/B TESTING. This will help you burn through your budget in not time at all.

Choose your audience.

This is what Facebook advise. “Define your audience for smarter ad targeting“. WE KID YOU NOT. Adjust your target audience to be as broad or well-defined as you like. In plain language this means “Have a guess at who will want what you are selling based on lots and lots of options”.

Run ads across multiple apps.

ALWAYS HERE TO HELP, facebook allows you to automatically extend your ad across the family of apps and services. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO A THING with automatic placements allowing their delivery system more flexibility to get you better results. GENIUS, they control your budget and spend.

Adjust your campaigns.

SURPRISINGLY you are able to edit your budget, audience, placement options and creative. This includes editing multiple ads at once. You can pause, duplicate or relaunch your ad campaigns too. BASICALLY when you are not getting the results promised you can MESS ABOUT some more. HOLD ON. Why not use the FACEBOOK AUTOMATIC OPTION above? FUNNY THAT!

Improve performance with dynamic creative.

DYNAMIC CREATIVE (the design and content) can be automatically delivered to personalise ads. They use ad components such as images, videos and text, and combine them. Facebook says this can be done “in ideal ways for your audiences”. WE WOULD HATE TO SEE THE NONE IDEAL WAY!

Test which ads perform best.

Facebook Ads Manager allows you to create an A/B test to determine the best target audience. You can deliver optimisation, placements, creative or product sets for each of your ad campaigns. THERE’S SO MUCH you can PLAY WITH. The possibilities to rinse your budget are endless. UNLIKE YOUR BUDGET!

Get real-time insights.

These are Facebook’s words – “See IF your ads are driving their intended goal with reporting tools”. NOTHING QUITE LIKE SOME DATA to make you feel content. BY ALL ACCOUNTS you can spot trends (over time and spend). You can identify areas to adjust to improve or destroy your campaign performance.

FREE FACEBOOK ADS ADVICE

WE DON’T RUN FACEBOOK ADS. If you are really, really, really certain you want to, then we are more than happy to recommend an honest bunch of people who will help you navigate the minefield.

This is the end of the facebook ads how to post. You can find more stuff and insight in our blog. It is good for almost everything marketing. So if you have a spare few days take a look.

PLEASE IGNORE THE CAGE. It has been left here for search engines as they like at least one picture to be on a page. Go figure!

We love Bob Hoffman

Best-selling author Bob Hoffman is what you might call an aggravator. He goes against the flow of drivel that the STUPID PARROTS swan around in. Not to be offensive, derogatory, or abusive. Instead he promotes a freedom of thought that many have lost through the barrage of information we are all exposed to.

THE 3 WORD BRIEF.

The 3 word brief is a good example

Bob is not one for beating around the bush. His viewpoint makes most think again. Question what they think they know and challenge preconceptions. The 3 word brief is a good example of why “We love Bob Hoffman”.

Like us, Bob believes that the majority of what is being labelled Advertising & Marketing today is utter rubbish. Promoted by the STUPID PARROTS to be proof of their brilliance. You can find out more about Bob on his website aptly named bobhoffmanswebsite.com – we love it.

Here is why we love Bob Hoffman

Check out some of the videos featuring Bob. There are plenty to get your teeth into. Here are just a few of our favourites.

Did Ad Tech Kill Creativity?

Bob Hoffman on Boomers

The Golden Age of Bullshit

You can read a load more stories, get further advice, and insight from our blog. It is good for almost everything marketing. So if you have a spare few days take a look.

PLEASE IGNORE THE STUPID PARROT. It has been left here for search engines as they like at least one picture to be on a page. Go figure!

How much is your business worth?

Imagine I am a person looking for something your business offers. I have just found your website. I found you through clicking on one of those expensive social media ads. This should make you happy. It means the ads are working. I didn’t come to you first. I’ve been clicking on lots of other business’s ads too. It is so easy and cost me nothing but a fraction of my time. Eventually I find a business offering everything for the cheapest price. WINNER!

BUY FOR X, SELL FOR Y.

You know that X is the amount your service or product costs you. Y is the amount you need to sell at to run a viable business. A business that makes profit. This is the simple economics of business. Everyone knows that.

Here’s the thing. STUPID PARROTS know this. They are cunning creatures. They do as little as possible for as much as possible. They hide behind the unfathomable data that social media platforms spew out. It’s not hard to show an increase in traffic to a page. It is not hard to show a path from a page to a page. All doable and all simple.

The question you should be asking is “What impact has this had on the business”?

Marketing within your sector.

The latest trend the STUPID PARROTS are promoting is sector promotion. They simply add a sector in front of the word marketing and hey presto, they are experts in said sector. They are not fools, just very clever STUPID PARROTS that know how to part you from your money.

Is increasing sales a bad thing for your business?

Increase is the buzz word today. Increase traffic, increase sales, increase profit. What seems to be overlooked is that all of these bring increased cost. STUPID PARROTS do not understand your business. They think that increasing something is good for a business. YES, increased profit is good for all business. Unfortunately increase in one area of a business does not always deliver the right result.

Top 3 increases that are bad for business: –

Out of stock. Your business promises something but cannot keep up with an increase in demand. More profit can be made selling less over a longer period at sustainable prices and lead times.
Returns and refunds. Poor quality, sub-standard services and products devour profit. Pushing something on a stack it high, sell it cheap model does not work for every business.
Complaints. Social media is dominant, powerful, and dangerous. One scathing comment is all it takes to change opinions. You cannot please all of the people all of the time but being able to resolve issues quickly will encourage others. After all, we are all reasonable, RIGHT?

QUALITY WILL ALWAYS BEAT QUANTITY.

If we ask you what makes your business better than your competitors, how would you reply? HONESTLY!

This is where we start, and it will be the first question we will ask you. A STUPID PARROT will impose their system and show you lots of data with the results you are expecting… INCREASED SOMETHING!

You can find more stories, advice, and insight in our blog. It is good for almost everything marketing. So if you have a spare few days take a look.

HOW MUCH IS YOUR BUSINESS WORTH REALLY?

Does anyone actually ask “How much is your business worth”? More than likely they ask “How much do you think your business is worth”?

Here are some Youtube videos to confuse you totally.

How to value your startup

How to value a small business

An example of how to calculate the value of my small business

YES, we have just added these links to increase the ranking of our page. Oh and also to demonstrate some really poor self-made videos.

PLEASE IGNORE THE HAND. It has been left here for search engines as they like at least one picture to be on a page. Go figure!

Tickle the pixel. What is that all about?

What is going on here? According to the all knowing stupid parrots tickling this little fella will bring you untold fortune. I suppose a bit like rubbing the genie’s lamp.

SIR KEN DODD WOULD BE IN HIS ELEMENT HERE.

So Facebook (a favoured STUPID PARROTS feeding ground) have a wonderful thing called Facebook Pixel. It is hailed as “One of the greatest benefits of social media advertising”. This little thing has the ability to allow advertisers to test, track, refine and target ads with laser precision. A bit like the Death Star I presume?

Tech types say that the Facebook pixel works by placing and also triggering cookies to track users as they flit through your website. Then only to annoy them when they go back onto Facebook or Instagram. Yeh! I have been waiting for such an annoying thing for a long time. Hold on that is what all Social Media platforms do.

Apologies… it is called Facebook retargeting pixel.

These are just like other tags, they help drive and decode key performance metrics generated by a particular platform. Not so unique then?, but specifically, the Facebook Pixel helps businesses with a Facebook page determine and improve the ROI from the world’s biggest social network. In layperson’s terms, it helps you see how much money you are spending to annoy visitors.

LOOKIE LIKEIE

Did you know you can use the Facebook Retargeting Pixel formally known as Facebook Pixel to build Lookalike Audiences? So according to the STUPID PARROTS, custom audiences are great – tailored and relevant. BUT what about when you want to expand your reach beyond the ones visiting your website? NOW THERE’S A QUESTION!

You need Lookalike Audiences. They are right up your alley.

The STUPID PARROTS install the Facebook retargeting pixel. You use your custom audiences as a starting point for new audiences that Facebook will automatically generate to be similar to the original. SO if I am understanding this right, you basically get loads of imaginary people and then add another load of imaginary people so Facebook can show you some results that showed you got loads of people visiting. Hmmm!

A quick refresher on the Facebook Pixel then.

Chances are you totally understand the idea behind retargeting, but there’s no harm in a refresher – right? When a prospect (that’s a person) discovers your website for the first time, they are probably (pretty likely) not going to buy. Hey, they might not even download your free ebook or claim that valuable, time limited consultation.

What they will do is probably (most definitely) abandon your page and shoot off to the next business’s wonderful page. Maybe they will just wait around for a better offer from you or somewhere else.

STUPID PARROTS reckon that as an advertiser you don’t want to leave a buyers decision to chance. NO CERTAINLY NOT! People are manically busy. You want your annoying ad to stay top-of-mind and say “Hi, remember that thing you were thinking about purchasing? Come check it out again.” IT IS STILL THE SAME RUBBISH PROPOSITION AS BEFORE! That’s retargeting, also known as remarketing. WOW! REALLY? Please STOP!

According to some great STUPID PARROT mind, there are 3 groups of people: –

TRUST ME… I am not making this up. It must be right I copied it from a STUPID PARROT’S website.

GROUP 1

People who click through to your post-click landing page but don’t progress to the sales page.

GROUP 2

People who click through the post-click landing page to the sales page but don’t submit a payment.

GROUP 3

People who make it all the way through the checkout process to your “thank you” page.

I will now give you an insight to what I think of this PARROT POO! Yep, that about sums it up. The poo being invented, hailed as the must have, latest money generating all encompassing technology is laughable. It would be funny if it wasn’t actually damaging the businesses that invest their time and money in this circus. Come on people. Let’s start communicating verbally with our audience and stop this de-humanisation malarkey.

If you want a Facebook Retargeting/Remarketing (potential customer annoying) TOOL, then look no further than the STUPID PARROTS. They are more than pleased to produce a complete advertising campaign based on made up stuff.

Our blog is good for almost everything marketing. If you have a spare few days take a look.

PLEASE IGNORE THE HANDS. It has been left here for search engines as they like at least one picture to be on a page. Go figure!

SORRY WORDS

WE DID NOT REALLY MEAN THAT.

Here we are again. The STUPID PARROTS just do it because everyone else is. They think that every little helps. They think that you will say I’m loving it! YES the company slogan and brand tagline is exactly what you need.

OVER PROMISE AND UNDER DELIVERED.

Just like the famous John Lewis mantra “Never knowingly undersold” (which used to mean something) it seems every man and his dog is spouting some dynamic statement that makes them feel that they are doing their very best for their paying customers.

We have all been there. Something we have purchased has not quite met our expectations or even worse fallen so short from what we paid for that we lose all faith in a business.

The art of coming up with a catchy phrase.

STUPID PARROTS think it is a great idea to have a catchy phrase. They do not know why but they always come up with one that they think us dumb consumers will take as gospel. We see it time and time again. The trouble is these clever (STUPID) PARROTS really do not understand the damage some simple words can reek.

Is it a slogan or is it a tagline?

A slogan tells us what the business stands for, it encompasses the mission, and even enforces how the business is helping customers.

A tagline is a catchy phrase that hopefully evokes an image of a brand in the minds of customers. Taglines are thought to enable consumers to make quick associations with a business: “When you see a [tagline], you are supposed to think [company].”

EXAMPLE: Just Do It = ?
EXAMPLE: Every little helps = ?
EXAMPLE: I’m Loving It = ?

STOP…. A slogan and tagline are the same. In fact these catchy little numbers have all been born from a distant advertising campaign and were never really intended to be super glued to the business’s identity.

WHY DOES A BRAND NEED A SLOGAN, A TAGLINE OR BOTH?

A business doesn’t need a slogan or tagline, but marketing history shows us that every recognised brand has one. This is what the STUPID PARROTS pick up on. They try their level best to come up with the all encompassing words strung together and slotted under the logo. They call this building a brand – STOP IT NOW! PLEASE JUST STOP!

The world changes and so do businesses. So when a STUPID PARROT comes up with something so generic and self explanatory as a strapline/tagline they can leave a trail of future misery in their wake.

NOW you may be questioning where we are going with this. The best way to explain is to give some simple examples of the good, the bad and the downright ugly (STUPID) ones.

The Good

Just Do It = Nike
Just – allows us to simply do something – in this case compete/exercise.
Do It – This is so general that “it” conjures up an exhaustive number of things. In this case activities in sport.

The beauty of “Just Do It” is that you could apply this to anything, not just a sports clothing brand.

The Bad

I Can = Nike
All we need to say here is WHY did the STUPID PARROTS think they could better “Just Do It”. Someone saw the light and stopped this stupidity in its tracks back in 1990. The famous words have been running for 31 years as of 2020.

The Ugly

Im Loving It = MacDonalds
Justin Timberlake was dusted off, sent to a recording studio and put his name to a jingle for MacDonalds. REALLY?… we kid you not. Now does everyone like everything served up by this global fast food chain. WE THINK NOT! So that sort of falls short of the mark.

If you want a catchy slogan or a descriptive tagline then look no further than the STUPID PARROTS. They are more than pleased to produce one from the depths of their copycat toll box.

Our blog is good for almost everything marketing. If you have a spare few days take a look.

PLEASE IGNORE THE HANDS. It has been left here for search engines as they like at least one picture to be on a page. Go figure!

GET 10 TIMES MORE WEBSITE TRAFFIC

1 SIMPLE STEP EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE MISSING.

After reading this post and doing this one thing to increase your website traffic, we are guessing all readers will be totally underwhelmed with the solution. They would have read this complete post to discover it is quite obvious. So obvious that the STUPID PARROTS do not even think of it.

IMMEDIATE RESPONSE GUARANTEED.

So what is it? Easy tiger, hold your horses. You know we need at least 600 words in a post to satisfy those pesky search engines.

TIP: Skip to the answer. Scroll to the bottom of the page.

Now seriously, we do not know why anyone would wish to skip this content as it builds a picture. Those who do skip are obviously very busy people. People who cannot spare the time to read all of this blog post or any of the other pointless content being piled on to the interweb thingy-ma-jig.

The tricks and clicks of website traffic.

Skipping to this paragraph will not reveal the answer. We applaud everyone who did this though. It is a know fact that us humans paragraph hop, scan and are just plain lazy. Yep this is a thing. We all do it. HERE IS A STUDY (Bore Off).

In an effort to CAPTURE THESE TROUBLESOME website visitors the STUPID PARROTS use every trick available to them. They do this without an inclinking of how us humans actually tick. The next bit may seem a bit off track, but please bear with us.

TYPESETTING IS STILL A THING.

Typesetting is, well, the setting of type. It has been around for eons and is here to stay. That is until we all have chips embedded in to our persons to glean information without reading. You see we are all taught to read using a system. This system comes naturally and we do not even know it is happening.

Headlines catch our attention. The first paragraph gives us an idea of what we are going to read and then some well placed sub-headings allows content that we are not interested in to be skipped. We see this system everywhere which is why we humans simply conform to it subliminally. This raises the original question of how to increase website traffic by 10 times?

Tell people why they should visit your website. The channel you use is irrelevant. It could be a telephone call. It could be an email. May be even an online advertisement. Once you tell people the reason they should visit your website, and if it is a really good reason, then the website traffic increases.

Another insight then. There are quite a few more and we are adding more on a regular basis. Take a look at our blog. It is good for almost everything marketing. If you have a spare few days that is.

PLEASE IGNORE THE MEGAFONE. It has been left here for search engines as they like at least one picture to be on a page. Go figure!

HOW TO GET GOOD CUSTOMER REVIEWS

TESTIMONIALS, COMPLAINTS & REVIEWS.

DANGER is afoot. So off the STUPID PARROTS trott to open your business to the world wide web without a thought or understanding of the exposure they are encouraging. Now it could be said that a business needs as much exposure as it can get. After all that is how we gain increased website traffic, ultimately translating into increased revenue and profit (OR SO THE STUPID PARROTS PROFESS).

YOU JUST POINT AND SQUEEZE.

Social Media is a powerful weapon. So powerful in fact that we can end up accidently handing this loaded weapon to the consumer to take free and unlimited pot shots at us. There will always be someone who is disappointed, frustrated or even down right unreasonable. It is these situations that can destroy a hard earned reputation. It only takes a few words, strategically placed on Social Media.

EXAMPLE TIME. Kingpin 1 rented a hire car for a short break in the South of France. It was not a Ferrari, just a small compact car (it is embarrassing to name the aforementioned mode of transport). Now on collecting the vehicle the usual walk around inspection took place. Little, marks, dents and scratches were pointed out and added to the rental paperwork. A video was even taken (belt and braces). So all good.

All seemed fine on returning the vehicle. Although the dark lower level car park and quick au revoir by the hire representative raised suspicion. The holiday was wonderful and then things got really ugly.

The plot thickens and became antisocial.

If you have skipped to this paragraph, go back a couple. BACK TO THE EXAMPLE. On opening a credit card statement, old Kingpin 1 found a £1,500 charge from the hire company (HERTZ). On questioning this it was stated that the charge was for the 8,746km travelled.

No matter what the old boss man said nothing was going to be resolved. Even the credit card company refused to stop the silliness. Common sense says that to do that milage the car would have to have been driven over 1,000km per day on a seven day trip. This was a beach holiday, not a Top Gear Special.

THE SOLUTION? Yep Facebook has its uses. A strategically placed post on the HERTZ facebook page brought a swift resolution. The backdown and apology was there for all to see and will be for a long time.

GOOD CUSTOMER REVIEWS ONLY PLEASE.

Sign-up to TrustPilot, get as many social media accounts as you can and let the good times roll. Do these STUPID PARROTS prepare us for the not so good times? What happens when all goes wrong?

Social media is a two sided street. On one side the sun is shining and birds singing. On the other a howler of a storm is brewing. BE PREPARED & FOREWARNED. If not then the good times will be hard to maintain.

All is not lost though. There is a simple way to manage the ups and downs of social media. It is very simple and anyone can do it. Deliver the best customer experience. The experience that you would expect from businesses you buy from. Think about why you buy a specific brand. Why are you like a faithful puppy, latched to their leg?

STUPID PARROTS that does not translate into copy another businesses model. DO NOT BE STUPID!

Did you see we sneaked another number into one of out blog post titles? The search engines must think we are the bees knees. Have a look around our blog. It is good for almost everything marketing. That is if you have a spare few days take a look.

PLEASE IGNORE THE FERRARI. It has been left here for search engines as they like at least one picture to be on a page. Go figure!

POST CONTENT TO A WEBSITE

CAN NOT THINK OF WHAT TO POST?

It is hard to create good content. Now we are using the words GOOD CONTENT in relation to the search engines. According to the pundits, and we kid you not, this is how you create good content.

“Before writing content that you assume will attract people, do your homework. Take a look at your competitors and see how they’re positioning similar products. What’s your differentiator? Highlight it in your content and on your website”

OH PLEASE DO US A FAVOUR!

Do these STUPID PARROTS follow the same rules every time? Yep you guessed it YES! For goodness sake please give it a rest.

BLINDLY FOLLOWING THE MAKERS OF BLIND CONTENT.

Ooo that copy on the competitors website reads really well. Let’s take that copy, jiggy jig jig it and slop out some of our own good (rubbish) content.

For example, we have not posted for over a week. Why? Well 1. we are busy and 2. we had lost interest in posting. Everyone does, so do not fool yourselves. It is OK though we are back on the ball. We all face the same dilemmas. The easy route is to get some STUPID PARROT to take this on. They know what they are doing (NOT) and can churn heaps of steaming good (rubbish) content out to keep the search engines and us happy too.

REMEMBER DOING something is better than doing nothing. May be not? In our race to fill the interweb with oodles of stuff we can get caught up in looking to be unsure, indifferent or possibly arrogant. Our target audience are being bombarded with stuff. Some of it is spot on. Unfortunately the majority is just well stuff that some STUPID PARROT made up from a bit made up from another STUPID PARROT.

Writing website content in loads of easy steps.

Go to the interweb (here is a search engine). It is great. You can find lots of top tips, all neatly numbered and ordered to wow your audience. It is as simple as 1, 2, 3 or even more than 50 simple to follow steps. So why do you need these steps? Why do steps count in search engine ranking? It is simple. Because the search engines like a numerical title. You know ones like. “3 ways to write good content” or 11 golden rules to writing good website content”.

There you have it then. Because we have added those numbers our numbers will improve. Well that is the theory anyway. HOLD ON, there are lots of theories. Each strongly believed in by the STUPID PARROTS. Yes they can get their analytics to show things are happening. Is this having an impact on business though? If it is what is that impact. Why did we do it? What was out goal?

THE DREADED BLOG POST.

OK as you can see we have been able to write a blog post. Whether it is of any value is an unknown. We are not asking anyone to give us feedback. We are not directing the reader to do anything. In fact we are just happily tapping away at the keyboard to make us feel we have brought some more stuff to the interweb. Stuff that no one will really read or even consider when buying what we sell. Yes there is great content out there and sometimes it will make an impact. An impact that we desired. Not one that we need to analyse and claw over to make a pretty infographic from.

We are going to carry on writing our blog post, but not strictly following the imposed criteria of word count, keywords, images, video and all that other stuff. Yes we do take these factors into consideration and yes we, like every other service out there need to. We believe in writing content that has a purpose. Has an end goal and ultimately delivers the desired outcome. So with that said get on the phone and we can have a chat about your needs and wants. Speak soon.

For more riveting stories, advice and insight check out our blog. It is good for almost everything marketing. So if you have a spare few days take a look.

PLEASE IGNORE THE POCKET WATCH. It has been left here for search engines as they like at least one picture to be on a page. Go figure!

1 or 2 WEBSITE REVIEWs

TRUST OR BUST.

These consumer types are oh so fickle. They have both little trust or no faith in what we do or say and can make a buying decision simply based upon others experiences. Nothing new here really. The best recommendation is a recommendation. As a business we all strive to keep the consumer happy. A happy consumer is a loyal consumer after all.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED OR JUST OK?

“There is no such thing as bad publicity” has been associated with many a famous person. Phineas T. Barnum, a 19th century showman and circus owner is one. Good old Phineas could not get enough of the stuff. He loved to self publicise and present stuff to an eagerly waiting audience.

Another uttering has also been associated with Oscar Wilde where he is said to have penned the words “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about”.

Unlike the olden times when printed paper was the main outlet, news jumps like wildfire across the globe. Yes the interweb thingamejig spreads the stuff quicker than the SS Enterprise travelling at warp 10.

Fortunately James Tiberius had his faithfull engineer to hold things together when it all got a bit stressed. Wouldn’t it be great if we all had a Scotty?

The positive, the negative and the really horrible stuff.

Our good old faithfuls, THE STUPID PARROTS want us to get notoriety. You see they, like us all, have been conditioned to believe that we can all be famous. Maybe famous is the wrong word. How about visible?

We all want our business to be seen in a positive light. None of that negative or horrible stuff is ever considered. Well that is not until it all goes Pete Tong (wrong). The latest social media post spouts out how serious we are about stuff. Then all of a sudden an unhappy consumer steels our thunder with a few taps on their keyboard. What now? You cannot ASK THE STUPID PARROTS they have already flown the nest. Their job is done.

WE WILL BE TAKING OFF SHORTLY.

There it is, the review, the comment, the open reply, the stuff consumers will see and make a considered decision upon. GOOD OR BAD it is there and you need to deal with it.

DO NOT TAKE OFF. DO NOT PRESS GO. The first mistake is to ignore it. The second to remove it and the third to reply with a half hearted effort. It is OK though young Judy has all that social media stuff under control. She is young and knows all about this stuff.

Let’s focus on TRUSTPILOT. We loath it. STUPID PARROTS inhabit it. Here in their natural environment they flutter about squawking how positive reviews will bring you all the riches in the world.

TRUSTPILOT itself admits that it knows that a good 40-60% of reviews are fake (quite a fine percentage that). Did you know that even Amazon has been fined for posting fake reviews. Oh sorry it was not them who personally did it. They paid some nice sweatshop people to do it for them. We may be coming over a cynical? YEP we are.

There are positive ways to get positive reviews. These ways allow business to not only become more visible but also deal with the inevitable fall out of seeking notoriety and fame. QUICK QUESTION – do the STUPID PARROTS have a reviewy thing on their website?

Almost everything marketing is considered on our blog (that is a lot). If you have a spare few days take a look.

PLEASE IGNORE THE STAR. It has been left here for search engines as they like at least one picture to be on a page. Go figure!